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What’s Wrong With Craig’s List? The Women Are to Blame….

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Reply to: anon-21641037@craigslist.org

Date: 2003-12-31, 3:24PM

The men on Craig�s List apparently can be boiled down to three basic types: those writing to the audience (“I want a relationship with candles and walks on the beach, and kids, yeah, kids”) and the ones that are (a lot) more straightforward (“here’s my penis picture – can we get together for sex?”). Then there are those of us that are normal, good guys, but you can’t find us when 1000 guys pummel your post in the first 15 minutes. However, I am convinced, absolutely, that the women are the source of all the confusion on Craig’s List. My experience with Craig�s List so far has revealed that because certain types of women repeat themselves often enough, I’ve been able to identify and name them.

The Real Thing Girl. The Real Thing Girl is nice, real (of course), down to earth and doesn�t play any games. She�s really looking for what she says (and knows what she is looking for!) and is willing to send a recent and representative picture. She�s also willing to talk and then meet you without days and weeks of endless e-mail. One out of ten thousand.

The “I Never Did This Before” Girl. Claims that she has NEVER done on-line dating, and that “you’re the first post I ever responded to.” Really has 3 different posts on Craig’s List, and accounts at Match.com, Matchmaker.com, Nerve.com, TimeOutNY.com and sometimes J-Date. Gets confused about who it is you are. Runs home after meeting you to check her e-mails from the 100 other guys that responded to her many posts while she was out with you. Always figuring “this guy is nice, but there must be someone better showing up in my mailbox tomorrow.” Secret member of the Internet Dating “Free Dinners For Life” club.

The Zoloft Girl. The �Zoloft� Girl can make believe she is the Real Thing, until you get past the first email or post where she presented herself after revising her post 100 times to be the person she’d like to be. Then you broach the issue of actually meeting her. She then sends you an extremely disjointed e-mail with many spelling and grammatical errors detailing all the reasons why she will not meet you unless you do any one of 1000 different things. If you fall for it and proceed with all this hoop jumping, she still will not meet you. If you do end up meeting her, she will eventually try to have you arrested for stalking when you call her after your date to tell her you had a good time. Uses words like �afraid� and �scared� much too often.

Hooker/Ho/Escort/Massage/Sugar Baby Girl. Can be in any one of the mentioned categories, actually (except Real Thing) but wants to be paid to have sex with you, or just to touch you or to hang out with you (while you buy her things) or to get the opportunity to rob your wallet. The best posts are the ones that claim to be “not a pro.” However, let’s face it, if you want money for sex (for whatever reason), you’re a hooker, so get over it.

Too-Specific Girl. Has to have a white man with height somewhere between 5� 11 �� and 6� 1�, no more than 180 lbs., but no less than 175, blue eyes, no, not that kind of blue, the other kind of blue that’s bluer than the first kind, light (not dark) brown hair, but not too short, or not too long: you get the general idea. Whatever you are, you will not qualify for what she thinks she is looking for, so just forget about it.

(Subspecies) “Specific Height” Girl. Wants a man of 6 feet or more. Doesn’t matter that she’s 4′ 11″ and shaped like a soccer ball. Makes a big deal out of the fact that some guy said he was 6 feet when he was really 5′ 11 1/2. Forgets that a lot of women descibe themselves as “Petite” which is really “Internet Petite” (which is anything under 5′ 4″ regardless of weight).

Indie (or Downtown or East Village) Girl. Has tatoos either on her leg or at waist level on her back (or both) and various piercings in strange places. Likes cigarettes and gum (at the same time). She’s the best bet for a casual encounter, but prefers non-bathing, dred-lock guys that snowboard all winter (and that have no jobs – go figure). If you’re a poet (or can fake it), you’re probably in here.

Rambling Post Girl. This poor creature’s thoughts are so disorganized, it’s hard to believe the post was actually written at one time. The sentences don’t match up, the words are not spelled correctly. Usually has a list of 1000 requirements (similar to Too Specific Girl) but never gets to the point where she describes herself at all. Could be Angry Fat Girl combined with Zoloft Girl in disguise. Beware!

Ego Girl. Usually attractive, although she thinks she’s much prettier than she is, and is sometimes a little overweight (but hides it with designer clothing). Probably a graduate of NYU, or worse, Columbia grad school. Ego Girl is educated far beyond her native intelligence because Daddy had the cash to finance it. She believes because of this that she is highly intelligent, and far superior to all that suffer below her, which is nearly everybody and definitely you. Ego Girl will only date men with at least a graduate degree and that make the big bucks, and appears to be very concerned with the kind of car you drive. Most likely also a “City Girl.”

Angry Fat Girl. Overweight or more usually obese, she blames everyone else for her not being able to stop eating and get off her ass and do something about her body. Easily recognized by postings referring to girls who are in shape as “unhealthy” or that identifes herself with words and phrases such as �curvy,� �a real woman,� “voluptuous,” “not a waif,” “thick,” “built,” “not athletic but working on it,” “body by Marilyn (yeah, right) and not Kate Moss” and similar euphemisms. Usually sends you a picture from 60 lbs. ago thinking she�ll �dazzle you with personality� later when you meet, then tries to blow your head off (figuratively) when you’re not interested and want to leave within 10 minutes of meeting.

Not Angry Fat Girl. There are a lot of these online as well. They use the euphemisms, but, they apparently don’t care about their weight, and usually claim to have a “chemical imbalance” or some such nonesense. Usually combined with “Too-Specific” Girl, Not Angry Fat Girl consistently is looking for George Clooney or someone “slender or athletic.” She is aiming high (and way out of her league) which is usually a result of attending therapy, a self-actualization workshop or a weight watchers meeting: anything other than going to the gym.

Living Off Her Past Girl. Usually in her 40�s, but claims to �look much younger, possibly mid-twenties.� Had a lot of sex in the 1970�s and fancies herself still able to attract 23 year old men (who count on this fact for easy sex, most often in the dark). Will send you a picture from 1992 or older than that. Most often combined with �Zoloft� Girl. Claims she’s looking for a committment, but can’t follow through.

Hippie Girl. Usually born in the early eighties but appears to have secured a clothes closet that somehow has been transported directly from the sixties and is not frequently found online because she got stoned and forgot her password. Claims to have been to “hundreds” of Grateful Dead shows. One of my personal favorites, however, because she is most likely to be the Real Thing (or at least honest), unless she�s addicted to crack, and then more often resembles the Zoloft Girl or Ho Girl (but she’s not a pro).

Village (or Chelsea) Girl. A close cousin to Hippie girl. She only uses mass transportation), but also has ugly feet for some reason (maybe it’s all the walking). Sometimes identified wearing Birkenstocks with no socks even in winter. Usually posts wierd, disjointed, air-head ads with no real point, but describes herself with words including “priestess” or “Goddess.” Possibly bi-sexual, possibly not. Sometimes confused with Indie Girl because she may have a Tatoo, but definitely not as cool.

Yuppie Village (or Chelsea) Girl. Not limited by neighborhood, can sometimes be identified because she wears green fuzzy socks with the Birkenstocks (and therefore has much better feet). Little is known about this species because of her chameleon-like ability to adapt to the personality of whatever group she’s with. Most likely also a City Girl.

City Girl. Mostly located on the Upper East Side. Easily identified by her unwillingness to meet anyone outside of her neighborhood. Always late because of a manicure and pedicure appointment. Will absolutely not leave Manhattan for a man, or to do anything. Shows many similarities to Ego Girl. Many �City Girls� have now immigrated to the UWS, where they have tried to resemble a hybrid of City Girl, Yuppie Village Girl and Village Girl. Usually very confused.

Only Online Girl. Variety of Zoloft Girl who can never show herself to anyone. She only lives through whatever persona she created in her post and will never meet you, will never send a picture or speak on the phone. Possibly also really a 60 year old gay man with no teeth.

Mystery Girl. Wants to meet someone, but does not describe what she is, or what she looks like, how old she is or anything. She just wants to meet someone she likes. Good luck getting a response here.

High Maintenence Girl. Some girls were raised by the housekeepers of the very rich and/or famous. They pretend that they do not have the skills to interact with “lower class” people, even though they were raised by the same for the most part. If you are very rich, you may have a chance.

Please also be vary cautious of various combinations of the above, the most dangerous and volatile of which is Zoloft Girl with Angry Fat Girl. The categories represent just a few I have identified in my short, on-line experience. Your experience may differ. Personally, I am looking for Real Thing Girl, maybe crossed with Hippie Girl (not required). Of course nearly all the women I have interacted with online describe themselves as the Real Thing, then fall into one of the other categories.

Me? I am 6′ tall (definitely, not “Internet 6 feet” which I believe is anything over 5′ 7″), 175 very well worked out in the gym lbs (5x a week) and have blue eyes but no hair (although I hear I have a very sexy head – but that’s a personal taste issue). I am highly intelligent, mad fun to be around (especially just walking around the streets “riffing”), won�t ever turn into a psycho-case, and am an all around good guy. Any Real Thing Girls out there?

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Very funny post I saw on Craig’s List.

Slanted and Enchanted A blog I will visit later.

Why the hell does vacuum cleaners and hair dryers make SO much noise! With all the technology advances you’d think silent versions should be widely available by now!

It is the nature of man to rise to greatness if greatness is expected of him.

– John Steinbeck

My Horoscope tomorrow:

You’re a changer, but that doesn’t prevent you from changing. Focus your energy at the mirror and see what you can do with yourself. Find a new look that reflects who you are, how you feel about it, and what you’re going to do about that. Big results start with big attitude, which is, of course, your specialty. Friends and loved ones have been expecting something like this for a while. You’re happy to meet and exceed their preconceived notions. As long as everyone ends up talking about you, you feel as if you’ve done a good job.

[Listening to: Reason to Live – Kiss – Crazy Nights (04:00)]

Go Britney Pics – Britney Spears Pictures Can’t get enuff!